End - Beginning

HELLO! 

So, it has been well over a month since I have posted anything...and well I can't say I'm not surprised with myself! I'm going to be upfront and honest - I've just been having way too much fun this month. I have made so many memories and I really have neglected writing or posting about anything I've done. (sorry)

Most of the time, I haven't been at home or I am somewhere with no Internet connection and I've also had no time at all, to get all the photographs from this summer, uploaded and edited, which all in all takes such a long time! :'(

But it is coming to the last week of summer holidays and there is really nothing to be doing now - bar trying to get everything organised for going back to school and getting your sleeping pattern in check! haha

This summer is coming to an end and I feel really really sad, as this year is the year when all my friends head off to University and different countries and beginning a new adventure, a new chapter in their lives. I am so happy for all of my wonderful friends! I am so proud of them and although I am sad, that yes, maybe I won't see them everyday at school, maybe I'll only see them the occasional weekend or maybe every main holiday - Christmas, Easter - that sort of thing. But I'm also so excited for them, and waiting to hear all the craic and banter from their experiences in Uni is definitely going to be a treat for me! Maybe they will have some advice for me when it is my turn.

^-^

As the summer comes to an end - a new school year begins, I am really determined this year to do well, after having a second chance and somewhat proving to myself I am capable of doing well, I have this slight excited feeling about what I could possibly achieve this time round. Self Achievement is probably one of the best feelings a person could feel! And well, now that summer has ended, and a new season is starting (in life) I am actually writing this blog-post on things I would like to see change in my life.

Although I have been having a great time, being careless of everything, I really do want to get back on track with things - and I thought I'd share what I hope will happen in the next year.

-GET ORGANISED-

I really want to be super organised this year, I have a lot to worry about and I don't want to screw things up. I have a lot of responsibilities and I want to do a good job!

-WORK HARD-

I know I'm not the smartest person on this earth, I know I'm not the most motivated, I know me better than anyone - I know I am extremely lazy, and I don't usually have a positive ''hard-working'' attitude. This is why, I HAVE to work hard this year, there is no more chances, no more room for making mistakes and taking things for granted. While I write this I know deep down, I'm actually not that motivated, I know that I won't take classes seriously, or do homework or keep on top of things. But I do know, without a shadow of a doubt - 

I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO FAIL.

And if working hard all year and trying my best to discipline myself ALL YEAR just for that satisfaction at the end of the road, then that makes everything worthwhile. 

-MOTIVATION-

This is where I lack the most, I really really REALLY, have no motivation...at all....period.
And to this day I don't know where to find it, can I buy it? Can I smother myself in things I love to help ''motivate'' me?

 There really is no hope for me in this department! :/ 

I cannot think of anything which will ignite THE FLAMMMEEEEE OF MOTIVATIONNNN! Bahaha! ^-^

I usually pray to God to help me find motivation, but I can't feel a drive for me trying harder or doing better. After all I've stated above, I can still 100% X infinity that I still feel no motivation at all.
This is something I hope will just happen over time and I will actually feel like I WANT to do things, not I HAVE to do things -which, in my opinion can really destroy any sliver of hope in doing things well.

I guess I could say in wanting to not fail, I have a little bit of motivation - I mean I did type all of the above in confidence that I mean them. But does that mean I also have motivation to do all those things?
*Sigh
I just don't know to be honest! I can't really tell.
In conclusion to this massive ramble - I still need way more motivation than I (may) have now. 

-SELF BELIEF-

Now, this is something that really eats me up, because I don't have any self-belief.
I expect failure, I guess, I have this mindset that everything will be okay in the end, but all I ever do is just expect myself to fail - or in other words, do badly.
And yet again, this comes back to my carefree ''I don't give a f*ck'' attitude. But yes. I will have to work on that too.

-GETTING TO IT-

After all of that said, starting and actually continuing more than 2 days will be the biggest challenge yet.!!

I don't think I will make update posts about this any time soon, but I do expect myself to post about maybe some of the things that have happened. Posting whether or not this all fell through is something I may consider keeping off the blog, as some of my 'few' readers probably don't want to hear about all this.

So getting back to more photos and happy posts that goes on in my life, I Thank You all, for taking the time to read this!
I really appreciate everything! 

Much love

Fil

<3

 

p.s. I will be posting more photos from summer and apologies for the late uploads!